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Letter of Support – Tom

A Husbands Story

Below we share this small excerpt from Why Go Back? 7 Steps to Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse – where Tom, a husband whose partner suffered childhood sexual abuse speaks about the devastation his wife’s experienced has had on their lives.

We understand that we often do not hear from partners of victims of abuse, but we honestly believe that his story will encourage others to share their experiences and realise they are not alone and they also have a right to seek support.

We ask you all to join the campaign. The more politicians that read real experiences, the better understanding there will be. This hopefully will wake up our politicians and ensure they push forward the much-needed funding

A Husband whose wife suffered childhood sexual abuse

Tom was married for five years before it all began to fall apart.  Tom’s wife, Sarah, started counselling to help her deal with her experience of childhood sexual abuse.  As she worked on her past and the horrendous memories of her abuse, she became more and more distant, and her moods were erratic.

Tom felt he didn’t even recognise Sarah and struggled to adapt to her ever-changing moods.  He desperately wanted to support her and make her feel better, he wanted his wife back and he wanted the girl he had fallen in love with to show up.  He was so frustrated and felt rejected.  No matter what he did making her nice meals, cleaning up the house, offering on numerous occasions to bring her out to a show or a meal she always came up with an excuse.

Tom didn’t know what to do to get Sarah back to herself.  He became increasingly angry and found himself arguing with her over the slightest thing.  He more often than not would find himself screaming at Sarah to get over her past and move on.  He still knew he loved the old Sarah but didn’t know what to do with the new one.

Eventually Tom agreed to see Sarah’s counsellor, so he could understand what was happening.  When he was brought into the process and things were explained, he began to see that he was taking things personally that were not about him at all.

It is important that partners understand trauma and its impacts if they are to be in a position to provide the much-needed support.  It is also important that partners receive support for themselves.  Relationships will survive and thrive if both partners are mindful of the necessity of appropriate support.

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