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Poetry

Confusion

I have no power I have no say

You can do what you want I can’t run away
What are you’re doing? I don’t understand.
I thought we were playing
Was this part of a plan?

Do all daddies do this?
Am I really that bad?
Can’t you see I don’t want this?
Don’t you care that I’m sad?

You mustn’t know what you are doing
You’re making a mistake.
This couldn’t be on purpose
You wouldn’t make me shake.

Everything is different now
Forever and a day.
No matter what I tell myself
This won’t go away.

I have to give up now
What can I do?
I’m so very little
and I trusted you.

I don’t know what I am now
or how I’m going to be
I don’t think that I’m strong enough
Cause all I’ve got is me.

My Body Image

I hated my body for the longest time
because it is what he used
Why did my dad take what was mine?
Leaving me sore and confused

I thought my body had let me down
I blamed it for my pain
The way I looked filled me with disgust
I couldn’t bear the shame!

Sex and sexuality
brought out in me such fear
even if I liked somebody
I couldn’t let them near

Weight was always an issue
I think it’s’ because he was fat
I later used food to comfort me
and ended up looking like that

For me, this was unforgivable
I felt I looked ugly like him
I couldn’t control my eating
I didn’t know where to begin

I didn’t always succeed
But I got better every day
The more I learned to love myself
The weight just fell away

Then one day I decided
I’ll have no more of this
I tried bringing in love from heaven above
determined to find my bliss!

Secondary Victims

When an abuser is named
what we don’t realise
is all the other people
who now get victimised.

Its only human nature
Whenever we’re in pain
To look outside ourselves
For someone else to blame

Although without intention
this causes untold pain
Countless innocent families
are left with guilt and shame

Guilt by association
is how some families feel
mothers in particular
get the raw end of the deal

It’s assumed they let it happen
it’s believed they must have known
no benefit of doubt
or compassion ever shown

For mothers who are innocent
we must try to understand
How much they need to be believed
and offered a helping hand.

Vilifying mothers
will only make them weak
For improvement what we need is
to encourage them to speak

Because there are no answers
this crime is unexplainable
We gain no understanding
which makes closure unobtainable

The families of abusers
always seem to pay for the crime
the abuser may get a sentence
but the families do the time

It’s time we offered help to all
now we know what’s involved
Innocents are suffering
that must be resolved

This crime leaves many victims
and breaks many hearts
With far too many innocents
whose lives are torn apart

Think on this the next time
you hear a story on the news
There is more involved
than what you see in a story of abuse

SHAME

Shame took away my Voice
Shame took away my Choice
Shame dictated the life I Lived
Shame would not let me Forgive
 
Shame prevented me from standing strong
and saying what was done was wrong
The shame was never really mine
it belonged to the one who committed the crime
 
Shame doesn’t have a place in my life any longer
and without it I know, I am so much stronger
Now I can see all the harm shame was doing
without it, I am loving the life I am pursuing
 
Your life is just waiting for you to let go
of the shame that you hold cause’ they told you so
Please join our campaign and say ‘Count Me In!’
challenge yourself and together we’ll WIN
 
Don’t let the Shame stop you
from writing your letter
Think of how many lives
in this world could be better!

 

WHY GO BACK?

Looking back now
I can hardly believe
It wasn’t just others
But me I deceived

I had to go back
to find me and save me
and rescue me from
all the pain that he gave me

Although it was hard
and it took a long time
The journey was worth it
to find what was mine

Sometimes I can’t believe it
when I see how far I’ve come
No more am I a victim
No longer on the run

I’ve found some inner peace now
I’ve healed a lot of pain
I’m still a work in progress
but no longer need to blame

I never thought I’d say this
I’ve grown to love my life
It’s not without its challenges
But I’m a happy mother, friend, sister and wife

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